Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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