I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
