Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
