Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
