I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
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No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
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Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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