wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
