so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize