New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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