This is not my ceiling
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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