I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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