Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
