Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think my moral compass just broke
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
