my being single is dangerous.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
did i just pee glitter
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
