I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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