So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
