I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
