I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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