College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
