She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize