You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
