it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
