my phone needs a breathalizer
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Randomize
