K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
