chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
