ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
