it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
