You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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