did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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