i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
