I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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