i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
