New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
