apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
honey bunches of taint.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize