FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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