U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
