I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
