I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
