I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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