I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
