I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Acid is not a monday night drug
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
