Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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