Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
