he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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