Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
