I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Even my vagina gasped.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
