Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
