Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
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Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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