Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
