I just made out with a guy for $7.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
MIDGETS
????
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
There's even glitter on my cock...
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