Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
