woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
