New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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