after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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