Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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