Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
