I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
