you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
