You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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