Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

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  (310): I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them. http://tfl.nu/3swr
  Replies (5) Good night (933) Bad night (994)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.

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  (780): he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem. http://tfl.nu/ak11
  Replies (15) Good night (826) Bad night (4501)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?

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  (859): Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night? http://tfl.nu/rh55
  Replies (8) Good night (3224) Bad night (853)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  when did we get a doorman?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were also in the wrong building...

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  (203): yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman. (508): when did we get a doorman? (203): we were also in the wrong building... http://tfl.nu/c2ke
  Replies (15) Good night (7013) Bad night (1121)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.

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  (321): Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing. http://tfl.nu/gi7h
  Replies (14) Good night (1132) Bad night (4583)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

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  (734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj
  Replies (29) Good night (1491) Bad night (5154)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You totally left a blue butt print on our banister

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.

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  (417): You totally left a blue butt print on our banister (573): Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time. http://tfl.nu/r57f
  Replies (12) Good night (3339) Bad night (974)
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  (909): View more from California

  Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

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  (909): Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person? http://tfl.nu/yet0
  Replies (8) Good night (4003) Bad night (1383)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.

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  (814): the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently. http://tfl.nu/7dnx
  Replies (6) Good night (3603) Bad night (776)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.

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  (512): Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there. http://tfl.nu/vwmy
  Replies (3) Good night (1786) Bad night (646)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone

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  (262): put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone http://tfl.nu/kic6
  Replies (16) Good night (3733) Bad night (821)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying

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  (208): I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying http://tfl.nu/lvtn
  Replies (8) Good night (591) Bad night (1422)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants

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  (615): those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants http://tfl.nu/jm8o
  Replies (13) Good night (667) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  How do you even...

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.

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  (770): Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit. (865): How do you even... (770): The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course. http://tfl.nu/umgu
  Replies (6) Good night (1017) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before

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  (775): We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before http://tfl.nu/k21e
  Replies (4) Good night (1079) Bad night (308)

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