O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
