their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.