I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.