Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
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I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.