plz talk dirty to me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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