First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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