we have pet lesbian snakes
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
