I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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