I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
