trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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