whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
