Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
