were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
