I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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