and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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