Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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