guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
