She is in my trunk
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
